Conversations With God

Hello there...

Huh? Who is it?

It's me. God. Can't you see me?

Well, maybe I could if you stopped shining that bright light in my eyes...

Oh sorry, I'm having trouble adjusting the brightness since I switched to these environment friendly CFLs.

Huh?...you use CFLs???

Ofcourse. Incandescent bulbs are so last year.

No, I mean to create light. I thought You created light.

Well...duh. Don't you know the law of conservation of energy? I can't create light out of nothing. Didn't they teach you this stuff in school?

Hmmm...so what about the whole "Let there be light" thing?

That was just a catchy tagline that my PR guys came up with. Helps keep up the cool image.

Oh. Okay.

So what brings you here? What is it this time?

What's that supposed to mean? Can't a guy just drop by to say hello?

Oh...I see...well, you know...most of the time it's only when people want something that they come to see me.

That is just so stereotypical. I expected You of all people to be a little more open minded.

Well, technically speaking I'm not one of the people...heh heh...

Hmm...funny. I've heard things about your sense of humour.

Yeah. I know they say I have a funny sense of humour. Seems kinda redundant if you ask me. I mean, if it is a sense of "humour" it's gotta be "funny", right?

Hey, that was cool. The way you flickered the light to do the quote-unquote thingy.

Aww, you noticed. Thanks.

So how are things in heaven?

Well, we are having some trouble with the FORCE.

You mean like an imbalance in the force? Like Star Wars?

No no...the FORCE...the Federation Of Roman Catholic Engineers...

Oh.

Well, now that you mention it I guess you could call them imbalanced...heh heh heh...

Hmm...funny.

You seem pensive. Something on your mind?

Well, it's just that...I don't know if I will ever see you again...so I was wondering if you could tell me the meaning of life...why we are here...where we are going...what our purpose in life is...

I guess I could. Except that...

Except what?

"Honey, wake up. You can't doze off like that during prayers. I thought the whole reason for coming to the temple was that you wanted to be in God's presence."

A Conversation

"Honey, I'm home..."

"What took you so long?"

"You know, the work, the traffic. They closed the Drake Avenue exit. It's a parking lot out there."

"I've been home for three hours. I left early today to pick up some groceries on the way. Can you believe it? They didn't have any chunky peanut butter. I had to buy the creamy one."

"Quite a misfortune. Really, what is the world coming to these days?"

"You don't have to be sarcastic. I was just saying..."

"Yes dear, I know you were just saying. How was your day?"

"It was okay. Nothing great. How was yours?"

"It was a blast. Mooned the boss and told him to go drown himself."

"Very funny. Did you call the phone company about the extra charges?"

"Yes, I did and the lady suggested it would help some if you spent less time on the phone with your mom."

"Sometimes I wonder why I even try talking sense with you."

"Yes, it is a pity, isn't it? Sometimes I wonder why you said yes when I was kneeling on one leg with a diamond ring in hand."

"The sparkle of the diamond must have blinded me from seeing your true self."

"Ah, some of my wit is finally rubbing off on you. So what did you cook for dinner?"

"Spinach lasagna with ricotta cheese."

"Sounds like a lot of work."

"It was. Opening the packet, thawing the lasagna, heating it in the oven. That's tough, mister."

"Hah...I should have guessed."

"Well, you can crack wise all you want. I have an early presentation tomorrow, so I am off to sleep."

"No wait...listen, sit down for a minute...let's talk...it seems like such a long time since we just sat and talked. I mean talked about each other. Not about work or friends or the weather. Just about us."

"I would love to darling. But not today. It's so late and I just have to get up early for my presentation. We'll talk tomorrow, I promise. Now you just go and have a nice hot shower and enjoy your dinner. Good night, dear."

"Okay. Good night."

He looked at the clock. 7 pm. 10 pm in New York. How he hated the time difference. He sighed. And hung up.