Conversations With God

Hello there...

Huh? Who is it?

It's me. God. Can't you see me?

Well, maybe I could if you stopped shining that bright light in my eyes...

Oh sorry, I'm having trouble adjusting the brightness since I switched to these environment friendly CFLs.

Huh?...you use CFLs???

Ofcourse. Incandescent bulbs are so last year.

No, I mean to create light. I thought You created light.

Well...duh. Don't you know the law of conservation of energy? I can't create light out of nothing. Didn't they teach you this stuff in school?

Hmmm...so what about the whole "Let there be light" thing?

That was just a catchy tagline that my PR guys came up with. Helps keep up the cool image.

Oh. Okay.

So what brings you here? What is it this time?

What's that supposed to mean? Can't a guy just drop by to say hello?

Oh...I see...well, you know...most of the time it's only when people want something that they come to see me.

That is just so stereotypical. I expected You of all people to be a little more open minded.

Well, technically speaking I'm not one of the people...heh heh...

Hmm...funny. I've heard things about your sense of humour.

Yeah. I know they say I have a funny sense of humour. Seems kinda redundant if you ask me. I mean, if it is a sense of "humour" it's gotta be "funny", right?

Hey, that was cool. The way you flickered the light to do the quote-unquote thingy.

Aww, you noticed. Thanks.

So how are things in heaven?

Well, we are having some trouble with the FORCE.

You mean like an imbalance in the force? Like Star Wars?

No no...the FORCE...the Federation Of Roman Catholic Engineers...

Oh.

Well, now that you mention it I guess you could call them imbalanced...heh heh heh...

Hmm...funny.

You seem pensive. Something on your mind?

Well, it's just that...I don't know if I will ever see you again...so I was wondering if you could tell me the meaning of life...why we are here...where we are going...what our purpose in life is...

I guess I could. Except that...

Except what?

"Honey, wake up. You can't doze off like that during prayers. I thought the whole reason for coming to the temple was that you wanted to be in God's presence."

The Death of A Blogger

A blogger died and reached the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter...

St. Peter: Welcome to the Pearly Gates. The name is Peter, Saint Peter. (to himself) Great...another blogger...I am gonna need more coffee...

Blogger: Hey, this place is cool...nice gates...and I see you have a fog machine for the mythological touch...I could write a great post about this place...you wouldn't happen to have a camera, would you?...I like to include pictures along with my blog posts. (smiles annoyingly)

Peter (rolling his eyes): Why do I get all the screwballs on Monday?

Blogger: And hey, you've got a cool pc and everything...did you upgrade recently?...if not, you should really consider it...you know, Microsoft just released this great new operating system called...

P (exasperated): Would you just sit down and be quiet already? Now, the reason you are here is that we have to decide whether to send you to Heaven or to Hell...

B: Sheesh! What a grouch...I wonder how Mrs. Peter puts up with Mr. Sunshine here...

P (with an oily smug I-knew-it look): Ah, it says here that I have to send you to Hell.

B: WHAT? No...there must be some mistake...I have led a good honest life...I did not commit any sins...

P: Well...it looks like you plagiarized one post too many without giving credit to the rightful bloggers...

B (sheepishly): Uhhh...heh heh heh...ok, maybe I was "inspired" while writing a couple of posts...but I wrote a lot of genuine ones too...you know, thoughts for the day, movie reviews, poems, jokes...

P: Jokes, eh? Well, guess who's laughing now? (breaks into guffaws of laughter)

B: Uh, you are.

(Awkward silence)

P: You weren't supposed to answer that. It was a rhetorical question. I was just saying - That the "joke" is on you, buster. (laughing hard while beating the desk with fists)

B: Uh, what joke?

(Silence again)

P: You know what, Mr. Smartypants? I am too old and too rich to put up with this. Off you go...(presses a button...hidden trapdoor under B's chair opens and B falls with a rapidly fading yell)

(B lands in front of Satan)

Satan: Ah, another one of you...it's surprising how many of you bloggers turn up here. Welcome to Hell. Let me be frank...I don't know what Peter Parker up there told you but the reason you were sent here is that you are a smartass. Oh and in case you haven't guessed already, I am Satan...

B: I thought you said your name was Frank...

S: I am gonna pretend I didn't hear that. Now, if you follow me I'll show you the Blogger's Room.

B follows, trying to stomp on S's tail. S leads him into a huge air-conditioned room with row after row of shiny new workstations.

S: In here, we have the latest computer technology ever conceived, entirely for use by you bloggers. You can sit in here for as much time as you want and create blog posts unrivalled to anything you might have composed before.

B: Wow...this is unbelievable...just look at all the cool stuff in here...the templates, the formatting tools, the photo albums...oh I must be dreaming...or I must have died and gone to heav...Hey, wait a minute...I thought you said this place was Hell...so how come you give us bloggers the best possible tools and facilities for blogging?

S: Ah, you see, that's the best part...none of our systems have a "Submit Post" button...

B: NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo...